SCAR Letter #13: The Drift Wound — Claim Before She Can Choose

Listen.

Women don’t walk up to you and say, “I want you.”

That will never happen.

A woman puts herself in your space and waits to see whether you recognize what she’s showing you.

When I was in training, there was a classmate — let’s call her Mia.

We had known each other for years. We always ended up studying together. We always drifted to the same side of the room. We always found excuses to talk.

She didn’t “just happen to be there.”

She was choosing proximity.

I didn’t know that at the time.

One week she owed me a small bit of money. Nothing big, just enough that she remembered it.

I told her to bring it to my place.

Not because I needed the money.

Because I wanted to see her.

She said she would.

She walked in my door with no hesitation, no awkwardness, no hovering at the threshold.

She stepped straight toward me — closer than most men ever get with a woman they secretly want.

Then she did something most men don’t even realize is a signal.

She slid both her hands into my back pockets and stood nose-to-nose with me.

That wasn’t random. That wasn’t “friendly.”

That was her saying:

“I feel safe enough with you to reveal myself.”

She was choosing.

She was inviting polarity.

She was asking, without words, “Do you actually see me as a woman?”

And I didn’t get it.

I thought choosing meant labels.

I thought claiming meant ownership.

No.

Claiming is something else entirely.

Claiming is the moment you say — with your presence, not your mouth — “I see you. I’m not drifting. I’m here.”

Women choose through proximity.

Men claim through presence.

And if the man doesn’t claim, she cannot choose.

That was my mistake.

I let the moment pass. I stayed in my head instead of my body. I stayed polite instead of present.

I drifted.

That’s when I lost her.

Not later. Not at some dramatic breakup. Not because of a big argument.

I lost her the moment I didn’t claim what she was clearly showing me.

Here’s the part most men never understand:

Women reveal only as much as a man can hold.

If he can hold a 3 out of 10, she will only show a 3.

If he can hold a 7, she will reveal a 7.

Another man, who can hold a 10 with calm authority and presence — that man will meet the version of her that is a 10.

Not because she is disloyal.

Because she is responsive.

Her appetite, her light, her softness, her wildness — she protects all of that behind the question:

“Can this man hold what I really am?”

So here is the law:

Women choose. Men claim.

But if you drift, you rob her of the right to choose you.

That’s the Drift Wound.

It doesn’t just kill attraction. It kills memory.

The man who never claims becomes a blur. The man who claims with calm, steady fire is remembered.

So don’t obsess over labels at the start. Don’t rush to “girlfriend” or “relationship” before anything else.

First, claim the polarity.

Then watch how she shows you who she really is. Then you decide what she becomes in your life: friend, lover, partner, wife.

But if you don’t claim anything at all, there is nothing for her to choose.

That’s the scar.

— Uncle Woo

---