“Let me quote you what she said today, and I hope you’re insulted. She said, ‘We believe that the best of America is in the small towns. The little pockets of what I call the real America. This is where we find the kindness and the goodness and the courage of everyday Americans.’ … Well, you know what, in a couple of weeks, she’s going to find out that the big cities have one thing that the small towns don’t: a lot of voters.” -Bill Maher

“No, I’m not saying that McCain looks like he’s finished, but today they introduced him as the next Viagra spokesman.” -Bill Maher

“Maybe you saw the debate on Wednesday night, and McCain unveiled his new personality. He’s got a new personality. The new personality is fighting underdog. And if that doesn’t work, the next one is going to be tyrannical sea captain. … And if that doesn’t work, fun-loving gaucho. And if that doesn’t work, expatriate saloon owner.” -David Letterman